Why Volleyball is Slightly Better Than War

I’ve just finished watching the Olympic coverage of the women’s beach volleyball doubles. The game was between none other than Russia and Georgia, the two countries, who for the past few days had been at war with one another. As I sat there watching these women in nothing but pants and a sports bra, as they jumped to and hit the ball to each other their womanly bodies pushed to the physical limit, all four players passionately fighting for their country’s pride, sweat dripping from their immaculate bodies, I started thinking. This is much better than war, why couldn’t they resolve international conflicts like this? You know, for one thing, no one gets hurt, and hardly anyone ever dies on the court.

Plus volleyball is far easier to masturbate over than, say, dying children in a war torn country. And I would much rather see Huw Edwards say “The Russian president today announced that their country is going to focus more on their play from the back of the court” rather than “the Russian president today announced that their country is going to deploy 5,000 more troops and military aircraft into Georgia” or visa versa. Volleyball was also better as the underdog (Georgia) won! This is always nice to see the underdogs claim a victory.

This unfortunately is just a dream and it’s highly unlikely that George “Idiotic baboon” Bush will ring up the Taliban and say “Hey guys fancy a game of...err...err...Volleyball to sort out the whole...erm...war thing in the middle of the east? In I-rack or wherever you guys are!” though, because he such an imbecile and this is such a stupid idea, I wouldn’t put it past him.